Mistaken Identity
This is my story.

When I answered my cell phone, a man's voice said, "Hi Dani, it's Ben Siegel, how you doing?"  Not recognizing the callers voice nor his name I played along hoping that at sometime during the conversation our relationship would be revealed.  

 "I'm calling to invite you both for dinner at our place on Saturday night, we've moved, and here's our new address....see you at 8 then."

I had agreed to dinner with this person, I didn't know. 

"We're going to dinner Saturday night, at Ben Siegel's," I informed the husband. "Who's that?" he said. "I don't know, I thought he might be someone you work with".   
"Can you call him back and maybe get a hint of who he is?"  
"No, I can't, his call came in as private number."

We arrived at 8pm, as requested, rang the door bell, waited, the door opened, and we were completely surprised to see Vince Eagle, a colleague, welcoming us.  
The husband, looked at me and rolled his eyes.  "It must have been a bad phone connection, I thought he said his name
was Ben Siegel."


It Was The Perfect Car

We were in search of the perfect Classic Car:

Here's my story:

Finally we found the perfect classic car, a 1970 Black Saab Convertible, with tan interior.  My husband asked me go to the dealers and check it out.  I arrived at the showroom to find our dream car, placed strategically under the spot lights, not a scratch, nor a dent.  It sparkled, it shone, it called to me, " buy me, buy me".  It was the one, and I had the cash in hand.

Anyone who knows me, is aware that I have a phobia about public bathrooms.  I will drive, walk, or run home to avoid them.  Seriously this is a real thing.

And so on this day, in this show room, looking longingly at what could be our "forever classic car", with cash in hand, yep, nature called, in a big way.   Moving, from foot to foot, jiggling, and holding my........well, you get the picture, a decision had to be made and fast. Do I stay and use the facilities?  I made a quick exit back to my car and headed for relief at home.

The conversation with the husband goes like this:
"How was the car" he asked,  "perfect," I replied,
"When can we pick it up"?
"Here's the thing, I said, I didn't buy it"

After what seemed like an eternity  "Why not, what was wrong with it"? "Nothing, it's perfect".  "Sooooo," he said, waiting impatiently for my answer.  With just a hint of defiance in my tone,  "Because I had to go to the bathroom."  Silence.

I've never seen my husband move faster, arriving at the lot just in time to see our forever classic car leaving the lot.

"Sold", the salesman said. "To a collector".


I’d like to take a moment and give a big shout out to Pam, my sales clerk today.

You probably have pondered the question:  "what would I need on a desert island", aside from the obvious, my one need is simple, the right duvet.

Here's my story.......

After unzipping and testing the selection of sales duvets, it was time to up the ante, and move onto the higher priced ones, this was not going to be so simple, because of the security tags. My only work around was to poke my finger inside the bags, my ear as close as possible and listen.  With Christmas music playing and the din of the crowds I could see it was going to be impossible to hear anything, except Jingle Bells, and the couple beside me arguing over the quality of the pillows.  Spotting a sales clerk, I explained I was looking for the duvet which had the right sound, "did they carry the duvet which made the deep rustling sound"?  Pam looked puzzled.  I showed Pam the middle aisle duvets with the "sound of silence".  "See nothing", I said, "no sound".  " Do you know which one of these displayed on the wall have the sound"?  Maybe out of excellent salesmanship or morbid curiosity, Pam disappeared and returned with the grey security tag removing thingy. One by one Pam removed the security tags, removed the duvet, we both bent over, rolling the duvet between our hands and waited.  No, that's not it.

Imagine, if you will, Pam and I bent over the bed, ears pushed up against each of the duvets, moving it, folding it, and listening.  After removing the tags from 4 or 5 bags, finally, that sweet inviting sound of sleep.  "That's it, can you hear it"?, I said to Pam, she looked amazed, "that's the one".  "Oh my god", she said, "I do hear it".  "Yep", I said, "that's the sound of cozy".


 Who Can Relate...

Those anxious moments when your husband mistakenly thinks he’s handy!

I have always been attracted to older apartments. You know the ones!  Coved ceilings, paned windows, interesting nooks, and my personal favourite, valances over the windows.  I see the place as charming, with its own story to tell, and to decorate around, my husband sees it as a DIY!

My husband however likes none of that, he would like to live in the cover of Dwell Magazine!

Please keep this phrase in mind for any of my future postings:  “I am wondering whether or not...”  When my spouse utters these words, I know my life is going to turn upside down, and not always in a good way. Actually make that hardly ever in a good way.  I have developed such an emotional and physical reaction to that phrase: my heart races, my bladder drops, my face feels like it's going to burst into flames and my head feels like it’s going to explode. That phrase has become such a “trigger” for me that if a clerk says to me, "I’m wondering whether or not you should.....consider the white over the taupe", I am poised to run from the store screaming.

It was a Saturday........

After a very relaxing “me” day, I arrived home to find my husband standing on a ladder, hammer in hand, banging, and yanking on my beloved valences. I knew we were headed to a very bad place. Appearing calm, I poured a cup of coffee and settled onto the couch to watch what I knew (from many past
experiences) was going to be a disaster.

Yep!  It didn't take long, before......

The ladder moved, my husband lost his footing, the hammer flew out of his hand, bounced onto the glass top dining room table, and landed with a thud, onto the now dented sideboard after smashing the lamp.

Showing no reaction to this event, I poured another cup of coffee, and waited.

"I'm ok" he said, and "look I got that valence down!"


Happy 2018 to All of Our Victoria Prime Guests

New Years Resolutions, their history, and why do we keep disappointing ourselves!

Here's my story:

New Years Resolutions were started by the Babylonians, who made promises to pay off debts and return farm equipment,  to stay in favour with the Gods. The two most common New Year's resolutions are:  "I'm going to lose weight", and "I'm going to get healthy with more exercise".  If you are that person who can succeed and keep those resolutions, I applaud your will power.  I myself, have been there, done that, and have never, ever kept the promises. 

After a wonderful Christmas with lots of shortbread, turkey, and stuffing, not to mention, the rum and egg nog, yes folks, the bundt cake, has expanded!  I knew I was in trouble when I stepped on the rubber hose to open the garage door, designed for the weight of a vehicle, and the damn gate opened.  Oh! Oh!  My wish for the New Year is that loose fitting tops will stay in fashion.

All of us at Victoria Prime, wish you, and yours a Happy and Healthy 2018.


During this festive season there are a few things people can do to
make my shopping days brighter:

1.  If your backpack weighs more than you do leave it at home.

2.  If you interrupt your shopping for a meal break, please decide on
your order before you're first in line. Keep in mind that no one cares
if your vegan, vegetarian, high carb, low carb or no carb.  It’s safe
to assume the kid serving you doesn’t know or care about the foods'
sugar content.  It’s called “fast food”, not nourishing food!  If this
is an issue for you, pack a lunch.

3. Unless you have a deed to the parking space, please vacate it
quickly, we would all like to get our shopping done.

4. Hit and run.  If you're a tall person, please look down occasionally,
us shorter folk are tired off being run over.


The Perfect Christmas Tree

 This is my story.......

Sitting in front of a roaring fire, Christmas cheer in hand we admired our Christmas tree. It was decorated with precision, it was, I must say, stunning.

And then......

After what may have been a bit to much Christmas Cheer, we decided that as beautiful as our tree was it still wasn't the BLACK tree we had always wanted.  

We knew that a BLACK tree existed, we'd seen an advertisement.  We really like black, we wanted this tree, right now, for this Christmas. We explored every store in the lower mainland, nothing.  Surely there would be one in the USA, they have everything. So, we headed for the Canada/USA border.  We visited every strip mall from Bellingham south to Seattle. Inquiring all along the way, had anyone seen one, where could we get one?  Finally in Seattle at a posh furniture store at the Pier, we found it. 

With visions of sugar plums and our unique tree dancing in our heads, we carefully removed the original fully decorated and lit tree to the front yard, and put a sign on it, which read:

                                      Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night

In the morning, the tree was gone from the yard.

A black Christmas Tree is akin to the "little black dress", it needs only to be accessorized!

Now to find the perfect bobbles!


This is my story:

I've been having problems with my computer, you know, the coloured wheel thing the just keeps turning and turning until I'm dizzy with frustration.

I took my laptop into the people at Best Buy, who looked, investigated, turned it on, powered it off, multiple times and couldn't find a thing wrong with it, in fact said that given the age of the computer, it was working very well.  Because I am a person whose frustration level rises rapidly when things don't work, I argued with the expert, demand they look again and still no satisfaction.  My computer turned on, went right to internet, and no damn wheel in sight.

Well, I don't sit at a desk when I work, my lap top, as far as I'm concerned is right where it should be, on my lap! What I have discovered is the "Muffin Top" or in my case the "Bundt Cake" interference, of having my lap so close to that ever so attractive part of my body that it was interfering with its smooth operation.  

I think Mac should have this as a warning in their instructions, I may write them a letter with the suggestion.