ALL ABOUT DANI

                                           ___________________________________________________________________

 Who Can Relate...

Those anxious moments when your husband mistakenly thinks he’s handy!

I have always been attracted to older apartments. You know the ones!  Coved ceilings, paned windows, interesting nooks, and my personal favourite, valances over the windows.  I see the place as charming, with its own story to tell, and to decorate around, my husband sees it as a DIY!

My husband however likes none of that, he would like to live in the cover of Dwell Magazine!

Please keep this phrase in mind for any of my future postings:  “I am wondering whether or not...”  When my spouse utters these words, I know my life is going to turn upside down, and not always in a good way. Actually make that hardly ever in a good way.  I have developed such an emotional and physical reaction to that phrase: my heart races, my bladder drops, my face feels like it's going to burst into flames and my head feels like it’s going to explode. That phrase has become such a “trigger” for me that if a clerk says to me, "I’m wondering whether or not you should.....consider the white over the taupe", I am poised to run from the store screaming.

It was a Saturday........

After a very relaxing “me” day, I arrived home to find my husband standing on a ladder, hammer in hand, banging, and yanking on my beloved valences. I knew we were headed to a very bad place. Appearing calm, I poured a cup of coffee and settled onto the couch to watch what I knew (from many past
experiences) was going to be a disaster.

Yep!  It didn't take long, before......

The ladder moved, my husband lost his footing, the hammer flew out of his hand, bounced onto the glass top dining room table, and landed with a thud, onto the now dented sideboard after smashing the lamp.

Showing no reaction to this event, I poured another cup of coffee, and waited.

"I'm ok" he said, and "look I got that valence down!"

                                          ____________________________________________________________________

Happy 2018 to All of Our Victoria Prime Guests

New Years Resolutions, their history, and why do we keep disappointing ourselves!

Here's my story:

New Years Resolutions were started by the Babylonians, who made promises to pay off debts and return farm equipment,  to stay in favour with the Gods. The two most common New Year's resolutions are:  "I'm going to lose weight", and "I'm going to get healthy with more exercise".  If you are that person who can succeed and keep those resolutions, I applaud your will power.  I myself, have been there, done that, and have never, ever kept the promises. 

After a wonderful Christmas with lots of shortbread, turkey, and stuffing, not to mention, the rum and egg nog, yes folks, the bundt cake, has expanded!  I knew I was in trouble when I stepped on the rubber hose to open the garage door, designed for the weight of a vehicle, and the damn gate opened.  Oh! Oh!  My wish for the New Year is that loose fitting tops will stay in fashion.

All of us at Victoria Prime, wish you, and yours a Happy and Healthy 2018.

                                       _____________________________________________________________________

During this festive season there are a few things people can do to
make my shopping days brighter:

1.  If your backpack weighs more than you do leave it at home.

2.  If you interrupt your shopping for a meal break, please decide on
your order before you're first in line. Keep in mind that no one cares
if your vegan, vegetarian, high carb, low carb or no carb.  It’s safe
to assume the kid serving you doesn’t know or care about the foods'
sugar content.  It’s called “fast food”, not nourishing food!  If this
is an issue for you, pack a lunch.

3. Unless you have a deed to the parking space, please vacate it
quickly, we would all like to get our shopping done.

4. Hit and run.  If you're a tall person, please look down occasionally,
us shorter folk are tired off being run over.

                                       ____________________________________________________________________

The Perfect Christmas Tree

 This is my story.......

Sitting in front of a roaring fire, Christmas cheer in hand we admired our Christmas tree. It was decorated with precision, it was, I must say, stunning.

And then......

After what may have been a bit to much Christmas Cheer, we decided that as beautiful as our tree was it still wasn't the BLACK tree we had always wanted.  

We knew that a BLACK tree existed, we'd seen an advertisement.  We really like black, we wanted this tree, right now, for this Christmas. We explored every store in the lower mainland, nothing.  Surely there would be one in the USA, they have everything. So, we headed for the Canada/USA border.  We visited every strip mall from Bellingham south to Seattle. Inquiring all along the way, had anyone seen one, where could we get one?  Finally in Seattle at a posh furniture store at the Pier, we found it. 

With visions of sugar plums and our unique tree dancing in our heads, we carefully removed the original fully decorated and lit tree to the front yard, and put a sign on it, which read:

                                      Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night

In the morning, the tree was gone from the yard.

A black Christmas Tree is akin to the "little black dress", it needs only to be accessorized!

Now to find the perfect bobbles!

                                      _____________________________________________________________________

This is my story:

I've been having problems with my computer, you know, the coloured wheel thing the just keeps turning and turning until I'm dizzy with frustration.

I took my laptop into the people at Best Buy, who looked, investigated, turned it on, powered it off, multiple times and couldn't find a thing wrong with it, in fact said that given the age of the computer, it was working very well.  Because I am a person whose frustration level rises rapidly when things don't work, I argued with the expert, demand they look again and still no satisfaction.  My computer turned on, went right to internet, and no damn wheel in sight.

Well, I don't sit at a desk when I work, my lap top, as far as I'm concerned is right where it should be, on my lap! What I have discovered is the "Muffin Top" or in my case the "Bundt Cake" interference, of having my lap so close to that ever so attractive part of my body that it was interfering with its smooth operation.  

I think Mac should have this as a warning in their instructions, I may write them a letter with the suggestion.